If you’ve been feeling guilty for wanting more, shrinking what you want because you don’t want to sound ungrateful, or talking yourself out of your own desires, you are not alone.
Let’s talk about letting go of limiting beliefs so that you can finally achieve those dreams whispering to you from deep in your soul.
I need you to hear this loud and clear: dreams are not luxuries. They are not “extra”. Dreaming is necessary for your survival.
Without dreams, something inside of you starts to suffocate. The best parts of you start to wither. That is not the way you want to spend this beautiful life. You’re allowed to want more.
Listen on the How to Dream Podcast
What Are Self-Limiting Beliefs?
Limiting beliefs are the messages you absorb over time that convince you to settle, stay quiet, or stop reaching.
Most of us carry some form of limiting beliefs that quietly shape the way we live. These beliefs can even sound practical, wise, or even moral on the surface. But underneath, they often keep us playing small.
Sometimes those limiting beliefs are boldly negative. They may sound like:
- “Be realistic.”
- “People like you don’t do that.”
- “Now isn’t the time.”
- “That’s too expensive.”
Other times, they are quieter and disguised as sage advice:
- “Just be happy you’ve got a job.”
- “Stay where it’s safe.”
- “Don’t rock the boat.”
- “Be content with what you’ve got.”
These messages often come from others based on their past experiences, emotions, or struggles. They may seem harmless, or even helpful. However, over time they can become a ceiling, limiting you from reaching your full potential.
Why Letting Go of Limiting Beliefs Matters
Wanting more does not mean you are ungrateful. Desiring a wildly fulfilling life isn’t selfish.
Wanting more means you are being honest. You are allowed to want to live your best life.
Maybe what you want isn’t even a luxury. Or, maybe you want relief, peace, freedom, joy, or a sense of purpose. Maybe you just want space to breathe.
Those desires do not make you a bad person. They make you human.
The Problem With “Playing it Safe”
Too often, people confuse safety and comfort with freedom. They are not the same thing.
Safe is rarely free. It almost always costs us something.
Safe probably won’t pay college tuition. The safe route can’t always fund the kind of rest your body has been begging for. Safe rarely builds a future where you can take deep, full breaths.
This does not mean stability is wrong. A job is not wrong. Responsibility is not wrong. But it also isn’t irresponsible to want more. It’s not bad to want something different.
You are allowed to imagine what could be. You are allowed to challenge the status quo and yearn for more.
In my book How to Dream, I talk about the difference between worker bees and queen bees. Queen bees need worker bees to achieve their dreams. They need people who are willing to put their head down and just do what needs done. That’s not bad. But what if you were destined for more? What if you were meant to be the queen?
How Negative Beliefs Keep You Stuck
From a young age, many people are trained to comply rather than dream.
We are taught to:
- perform
- stay on top of every task
- keep our heads down
- work hard without questioning what we really want
Then, we grow up and enter a world that says:
“Bring your energy here. Bring your creativity here. Give your best ideas here. Make this company’s mission your mission.”
And what happens?
People become brilliant at building other people’s lives and completely unsure how to build their own.
Then one day, usually in the quiet moments, the truth rises up. You find yourself thinking, “There has to be more than this.”
That voice is not greed. That voice is your life asking to be lived.
If you’ve heard that voice, it’s time. It’s time to overcome self-limiting beliefs and give yourself permission to soar.
How to Overcome Self-Limiting Beliefs
The process of letting go of limiting beliefs is actually pretty simple. Follow these 5 steps on repeat as you replace negative beliefs that are keeping you stuck with new, empowering beliefs that encourage you to become all you were meant to be.
(The process may be simple. Getting the new beliefs to stick, however, is a lifelong process. I’m not asking you to do it all at once. Give yourself grace as you grow.)
1. Notice the messages that make you smaller
Pay attention to the beliefs you repeat without questioning:
- I should be grateful for what I have.
- It’s too late for me.
- Wanting more is selfish.
- People like me don’t do that.
Ask yourself: Who taught me this? Is it actually true? Is this self-concept holding me back? Could I replace this with a new, empowering belief instead?
2. Protect your hope
To be able to believe that something bigger and better is possible, we need hope. Hope is not fragile, but it is precious.
If you are exhausted, stressed, or overwhelmed, it can feel nearly impossible to dream. That does not mean you are broken. It means you need to protect your hope before you can build a new belief system.
Before you chase the next goal, you need to create space to stabilize. You need time to rest, breathe, and heal. Before you can build a better future, you need to remind yourself that a better future is possible.
Listen to episode 1 of the How to Dream podcast, “Start With Hope” and then download your free copy of my book “In the Meantime: Hope, Healing, and Survival for the Tired Heart”. Both will help you reset and find the self-awareness you need to understand the self-limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck.
3. Stop confusing comfort with calling
Comfort feels good. But is it?
There is a fine line between being stable and being stuck. Comfort feels safe but it is rarely where our fullest lives live. We often have to be willing to challenge the limiting beliefs telling us that what we have is good enough in order to reach the best. We have to be willing to outgrow and push past what feels familiar.
I talk about this with my daughter, Broadway star Kayla Pecchioni, in episode 5.
4. Give yourself permission to want more
You are allowed to want more.
More peace.
More freedom.
More purpose.
More joy.
More of whatever you can feel your heart and soul begging for.
Your dream is not a betrayal of the life you have now. It is an honest response to what your heart knows is possible.
5. Create Alternative Beliefs
Take those self-limiting beliefs and turn them on their head. Don’t try to create 100 alternative beliefs in one day. Start with just one.
For example, instead of telling yourself it’s selfish to want more, switch that to “it’s my right to want more.”
Instead of telling yourself that wanting more is greedy, replace that with a new belief. Tell yourself that seeking more is the path to freedom.
Remember, you can’t change your life all at once. Let’s shift things by just 1%.
Choose one of your negative beliefs that you can replace with a limitless belief today. Keep replacing those old beliefs with your new, positive statements each time they pop into your head. Continue replacing self-limiting beliefs with limitless beliefs until they stick.
Your Dream Is Not the Problem
Do not let fear, shame, or other people’s comfort become the reason you abandon what was given to you.
Your dream is a gift. It is something for you to build.
Other people don’t have to understand it, agree with it, or even fully support it. Your dream came to you for a reason. Be wise with it. Be grounded. But do not abandon it.
Dreaming is how you remember that you have choices, that you are not just here to function. You were meant to build, create, and become. You were meant for more.
Don’t let negative thoughts keep you from taking on new challenges. Overcome self-limiting beliefs so that you can live the fulfilling life you deserve.